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Sun, Apr. 4th, 2010, 02:04 am
long time lj

something about our gardens in our wasteland and our wastelands in our garden

Wed, Oct. 7th, 2009, 03:48 pm
ha!

i got busted a nut in my girl at the office :)

Wed, Sep. 9th, 2009, 11:46 am
magic the gathering

i've got a red burn deck with elementals for most of my creatures - i won last night against 1 more deck best 2 out of 3. two words - red burn, baby!

Mon, Aug. 31st, 2009, 06:10 am
this is a song not a real threat against my life.

here's the thing, people that i have known for a long time and smiled at my face never really liked me.

people seem to be cowards, and i'm no exeption. i'm just honest with my life and the people around me.

i think i'm going to be a coward in another way. it's whatever, and it's whatever the fcuk you want to call it.

don't care. while i do have people who know me and think i'm still cool - the value seems little.

but i do - not only a coward i'm a failure at life. feel like i'm drowning - i'm thinking about dieing.

will this hurt the people around me - kinda wish it didn't, cause i like you and know the feeling.



understand, and help me end this.





it's more than the influnce of people around me - it's all my failures, and my odds against what seems to be

one loose after another. i either fail myself or others around me. i am a failure and reminded by myself and others

often. but i'm ok with that - i am what i am and still like it - but i'm tired of living through a feeling of

drowning

and sadness. honestly i've never felt like i shy away from pain, it's mostly people i want away from.

i could move perhaps but the end result is the same.

it's a shame you never got to know the glowing awesome human i am, not sure why you rever got it - perhaps

my failure

in something influnces you. most of the people i know i honestly can't trust. this kills my want to continue

with you.

this option has merit - i'm leaving. fuck your loose/win and your frowns with your backstabing. if it means

anything

i wan't judging until you threw down the death cards. and guess what i'm still not - it's just that i vomit a

little

when i think of you. here's the deal - it's a lie, everything, so are you and you know it.

the idea of you lieing to me hurts me because i got gudged not worth it. i wish i could stay away feel like i'm

not drowning

i don't want this

your lies or mine - don't want to be alone i want company that wants to be real themselves and me. its rare and

not enough

to warrent me wanting to stay.

whatever it is that brings this constant acheing will keep coming back. tired of hurting others i care about

tired of it all

someone give me a gun - for real, cause i'll end it. perhaps thats real winning.



i might want to kill myself but i really don't think i will, so DON"T have me locked up again. yeah hurt me some

more with the idea of caring and seeing me again - selfess.

not sure when but i'm damn sure leaving.

Mon, Aug. 31st, 2009, 02:23 am
um yeah

what does it mean when your most important people kill themselves?

Fri, Aug. 28th, 2009, 05:29 am
can't sleep and thinking about matt wolfe

fuck all of you - just kidding :)

Sat, Aug. 25th, 2007, 11:22 am
The Waxing Moon

The lights in the yard like distant stars, and I'm naked and cooing. Like some beast not meant to be here. Why do they shine lights and yelling, I am afraid. Dart guns and honey bees. Why God am I dizzy, is this what happy sounds like, all buzzing and humming. Swatting at bugs, face down on the ground. This is love.

Sun, Feb. 26th, 2006, 03:44 am

I'm sitting on a keg, bitches

Fri, Apr. 1st, 2005, 08:34 am
Letter to Odessa in Eden

Shivering with sweat dropping it gets so cold sometimes. Emotional and unstable when I thought all this had died. And so far behind where I am, I could leave myself tonight. I wanted to tell you how beautiful you are. Perhaps it's why I find it so hard to let you go. When all the world lies dreaming. Of something to quench this loneliness inside. I can't fix it, but I wont sellout on you. This eve, this morn, or past the crest of time.

Sun, Jan. 2nd, 2005, 03:33 pm
Tid Bits form the Future

If the cycle of man is 8 not 10 years the porcupine will lead us well into the new year! Bathe him in milk and sweetwater, yet beware lest you anger the porcupine. Let the beaver be your guide.

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